Thursday, March 22, 2007

So What's New?

The trade is disturbed. Films are flopping in a row. Audiences are not even willing to see films with a line-up of stars. Where are they going wrong?

There is such a thing as overkill, and a major problem seems to be that before the release of a film, everyone just talks and talks about the film, till audiences know all about it. Why would they spend money on seeing the film then?

The dialogue between the makers and stars of the film with the audience might go somewhat like this:

Kudiyon Ka Hai Zamana:
It's about Rekha trying to get Mahima Chaudhary married before she turns 25. Its great fun, come see it people.

Audience: Ha ha, you're joking, right? Mahima and 25?

Guru :
It is not the biopic of Dhirubhai Ambani and Amitabh Bachchan on TV swears it is Abhishek's best performance. Look Abhi and Ash even got engaged to please you mass types.

Audience (Doubtfully): Isn't that pushing it a bit too much? Why, what is the film lacking?
It's about this guy who is mistaken for a terrorist, and then there's this cop, and a TV reporter and...

Don't get us all mixed up. Just play that Maula song.

Risk :
It's about this honest cop who takes on the underworld and….

So what's new?

Salaam-E-Ishq :
It's got all these stars, and Priyanka playing Rakhi Sawant, and Anil Kapoor kissing Anjana Sukhani, and the John-Vidya affair gossip was spread to whip up curiosity…. please see the film, people.

Audience: We'd rather see the real Rakhi Sawant. And Emraan's kissing is better, thank you. And we know John is with Bipasha, don't fool us.
A little boy goes missing in the Gujarat riots.

Audience (Petulantly): Don't remind us of it, give us entertainment.

Traffic Signal:
Hey, all of you, it's about people begging at the traffic signal and how the Dubai bhais get the money.

Audience: Maaf karo, aage jao

Black Friday:
See the real story of the Mumbai bomb blasts. Raw and realistic!

Audience: We saw it on TV already!

Rajpal Yadav is this poor guy who is accused of raping his three daughters. It's a real story! Come see it one and all.

Audience (Annoyed): Rajpal Yadav, you're offering us Rajpal Yadav?

Eklavya – The Royal Guard:
Amitabh Bachchan plays this royal guard and Saif is a prince and LA Times says it's a masterpiece. You better see it or no more Munnabhai for you morons.

Audience: Aisa kya? We won't see it, ja Mamu!

Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd:
It's very exciting—six couples on a honeymoon. And Boman kisses Shabana and….

Audience: Does anyone besides uncle and aunty kiss? No? Then not interested! We will dance to Sajnaji vari vari, and that's it!

Sixty year old Amitabh Bachchan falls in lust with 18 year old Jiah Khan….

Audience (Hands over their ears and eyes shut): Shame shame!

Nehlle Pe Dehlla:
Err, we've forgotten what it's about, but there's Sanjay Dutt and Saif Ali Khan and Shakti Kapoor's murda.

Audience: We'll forget to see it, don't worry.

1971 :
It's about the Bangladesh War and POWs, very thrilling!

Audience: Which war? When? Didn't Amitabh Bachchan fight in it already?

Red :
Aftab and Celina have a 27 minute kiss…. and a 30 minute love-making scene…

Audience: Is that all they do? Does it have a story?

Sarhad Paar:
Sorry it took so long to make and it's incomplete, don't see it.

Audience: Thanks for the honesty, we won't!

It's got three guys crazy about cricket and the world Cup is on.

Audience: So? We are crazy about cricket too, we can see the real World Cup.

Just Married:
It's about these couples on their honeymoon…

Audience: Again?? How many times can we see other people's boring honeymoons?

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